life's on a rollercoaster ride now.

it ain't like the past,
where i broke down everytime,
and i have people i could count on.

now it's more like me telling myself:
"don't cry; don't break down."
because there's no one i can count on now.
and there's no point in trying to explain myself to them:
they don't understand me.

i dunno.
now all i want is someone i can pour out everything to.
so that i won't bottle up everything.

so that i know that there's someone out there who actually understands me,
someone i can hang out with,
someone i can talk to about everything and anything,
someone who likes me for me.
(and not the person i'm acting as)
// end of very emo post

ok.
so long bus rides make me think.
and today's thought was
'what would the present be if the past were different?'

and then i started emo-ing.
it's like; whenever i think of the past,
i'll realise the tremendous amounts of opportunities slip by.
and the many mistakes i made,
and the heart that i keep breaking...

so yea,
at the end of the bus ride,
i realised that no matter how much i wished i could change the past,
it's impossible to:
the only thing to do is to try and make up for the mistakes,
and hope that the preferred ending would occur anyway.
(but there would still be scars left /:)
//end of insights

and i really think it's impossible to fit in in dhs.
or i'm just hanging out with the wrong clique.

somehow it's so much easier to breathe when i'm alone in sch:
i don't have to think through my actions,
i don't have to control my emotions,
i don't have to go through the pain when i see that i'm the odd one out in the clique.

it's like nobody understands what i go through in SJ.
they all make fun of it,
insult it,
make me look stupid for being in it.
but they don't understand that i love being in SJ.
they don't know the joy that we get in SJ,
they don't experience the bond i have with my squad.
//end

i dunno.
i just miss my sqd and the 6A clique.
alot.



song of the day:

Skater Boy . Avril Lavigne

He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it anymore obvious?

He was a punk.
And she did ballet.
What more can I say?

He wanted her.
She'd never tell.
Secretely she wanted him as well.

And all of her friends
Stuck up their nose.
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes.

He was a skater boy she said see ya later boy.
He wasn't good enough for her.
She had a pretty face but her head was up in space.
She needed to come back down to earth.

Five years from now she sits at home feeding the baby she's all alone.
She turns on TV and guess who she sees.
Skater boy rocking up MTV.

She calls up her friends.
They already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show.

She tags along,
stands in the crowd .
Looks up at the man that she turned down.

He was a skater boy she said see ya later boy.
He wasn't good enough for her.
Now he's a superstar slammin on his guitar to show pretty face what he's worth.

He was a skater boy she said see ya later boy.
He wasn't good enough for her.
Now he's a superstar slammin on his guitar to show pretty face what he's worth.

Sorry girl but you missed out.
Well tough luck that boy's mine now.
We are more than just good friends.
This is how the story ends.

Too bad that you couldn't see..
see the man that boy could be.
There is more than meets the eye,
I see the soul that is inside.

He's just a boy,
and I'm just a girl.
Can I make it anymore obvious?
We are in love.
Haven't you heard how we rock each other's world?

I met the skater boy I said see ya later boy.
I'll be backstage after the show.
I'll be at the studio singing the song he wrote about a girl he use to know.

I met the skater boy I said see ya later boy.
I'll be backstage after the show.
I'll be at the studio singing the song he wrote about a girl he use to know.