i'm feeling emo abt sth that shouldnt be posted on the other blog.
and i know jiayi's the only one who reads this blog anyway.

feeling damn nostalgic.
and regretful.
and emo.

i dunno.
there's like so many similar stuff,
only mine occurred 3 years ago,
and his just happened.

really really hope he can recover soon(:

no matter what,
the few who know are always there behind you :D

and yes,
jiayi,
i know you dont understand this post,
but dont kaypoh x)

i don't get it.
why must MY life's choices always be determined by YOU?
like WHAT THE HELL are you doing in MY life.

it's damn fucking unfair.

SO WHAT IF YOU WILL COMPLAIN IN THE FUTURE?!
you already got everything you want in life.
WHY CAN'T I GO TO SINGFEST BECAUSE YOU'LL BE JEALOUS.
you bitch.

everything, EVERYTHING is determined by you.
why.

not moving house:
"because your sister still studying here"

not being able to keep pets:
"because your sister would want one too"

not being able to get my own laptop without paying:
"because your sister would complain, and then i have to get another one for her"

always getting scolded because of you:
"why can't you be more like your sister and do more housework?"
when it's like 9pm at night, and i've been rushing hw till midnight for the last few nights, and i only return from sch so late everyday.

not being able to go singfest:
"no, you cannot go because if i pay for you, 2 years later your sister would say 'how come last time jiejie can i cannot'"

LIKE WHAT THE HELL.
more than sometimes,
i wish you'ld just DISAPPEAR from my life permanantly.
it'll make no difference at all.
you bitch of a sister.

lose, lost, losses.
that's just what happens anyway, ain't it?

people gain,
but lose more than they gained at the same time;
then they look back,
and suddenly want the thing that they lost,
whatever they gained suddenly insignificant.
but after a long time,
the feeling just sorta fades away,
and maybe one day they'll look back,
and emo over their losses.

and the cycle goes on and on,
until one day,
you realise you've lost too much,
and decide that you've got to do better:
to gain, but not lose.

but it's too late,
you look around you,
and see that everyone's gone:
amidst all the gains,
you've lost all your friends,
you've lost faith,
you've lose hope,
and you lost yourself.





lose, lost, losses:
are you going to change before it's too late?



// for readers of timo~ also,
i know i've posted this there as well,
but this poem/prose thingy seems to fit more here,
so yea, ty for reading it twice(:

just read this piece of news which made me damn sad.
this kinda stuff always make me remember how fragile life is,
and how much can change in a split-second.

i dunno,
all i can say now is 'admit your mistakes, and treasure what you have'.
who knows,
the person whom you love but argued/fell-out/fought with might lose their lives the next minute.
and you'll be filled with regret for not being able to apologise while they were still alive.

tell the person you love that you love them,
even though they might have grown sick of hearing it.
it means alot to them and yourself.

live life the way you want it to be.
if you should die the next day,
at least you die in the mind-set that your life had been full of joy.

// to hy:
if you ever read this,
just remember that everyone is behind you.
your class, your friends, your family, and the public.
be brave,
as you're the man of the house now:
you have to take care of your sis while your mum's busy and stuff.
i almost lost my dad once,
so i have an idea of how you are feeling now.
if you do miss your dad,
just take a photo of him and talk to it.
as stupid as it sounds,
it works.
if you ever need help,
there are teachers all over dhs that will always be there for you.
(other than teachers, there's still friends and whatever, but you get the idea, ya?)
i really hope your family can go through this rough patch together,
and i dunno,
become more bonded or sth through it.

remember, wherever your dad is now,
he'll always be living in your heart(:

i don't know what to say.
'cept that idmi is screwed.

and mr tan is damn nice.
and mr han was ._.
got chocolate don't take,
make cold jokes about it ...

rawr.
post later.
rushing idmi.